Mike Swifter

Ht: 5' 9"

Wt: 118 lbs

Favourite Musician: Nada Surf

Born: December 22, 1984

Mike is a timid, self-conscious, self-critical, lonely, depressed twenty-something and works as the mascot for Crazy Duck. He dwells on his flaws but rarely does anything to fix them. He's in love with Judy, a girl who barely speaks to him, and he constantly craves the attention of his neglecting father. Despite all his negative characteristics, Mike is a dependable all-around-nice-guy who often ends up being the glue that holds all his friends together. He lives in an apartment across the street from Crazy Duck with Gary, Ted, and Jill (who he sometimes think he may actually have feelings for).

Gary Stalone

Ht: 6' 5"

Wt: 235 lbs

Favourite Musician: Buddy Holly

Born: March 5th, 1931(?)

Gary is Mike's guardian angel. Or so he claims. Or maybe he really is? Despite recent evidence pointing towards Gary's possible angelic origins, Mike is still on the fence on whether or not to believe him. Gary is, simply, a swell guy who wants everyone to be happy and always thinks positively. He is kind of dense, though, and often overplays his guardian angel role to the point of interfering with Mike's life. To keep a low profile and avoid suspicion about his return to the living, Gary is often stuck holed up in the apartment, and as consequence, has become best friends with Ted.

Ted Jones

Ht: 6"

Wt: 4 lbs

Favourite Musician: Katy Perry

Born: November 18

Ted is a jerk. He really only likes one person and that's Gary, though he tolerates Mike because of the whole "don't bite the hand that feeds you" thing. He was forced to move to a different room when Jill moved in and he's never forgiven her, spending hours plotting ways to exact his revenge. No one is really too sure what Ted exactly is and he prefers to be called a moocher rather then a pet. Ted spends most of his time watching trashy TV and playing video games, though he sometimes ventures with Gary to a near-by grassy knoll when ever he's feeling quasi-philosophical.

Gunther Swan

Ht: 5' 8"

Wt: 135 lbs

Favourite Musician: Gaslight Anthem

Born: May 12, 1985

Gunther, to put it elegantly, is a man-whore who has never been in an actual relationship in his entire life.  Luckily for him, he has rarely met a woman immune to his charms. Despite living in Bloomington, he manages to make the twenty minute drive to Spencer Falls several times a week in order to work as Crazy Duck's best fry cook and spend time with Mike, his unlikely best friend since high school. Gunther's currently attending Indiana University studying law and is the front-man of the band G-Force.

Jill Swan

Ht: 5' 6"

Wt: 126 lbs

Favourite Musician: Eve 6

Born: March 25, 1984

Jill is Gunther's older sister and one of Mike's room mates. She was away at college when Mike became best friends with her brother, so the two only recently got to know each other. Jill used to work for a Technology Support company until the day she unwittingly sent a virus to all her co-workers, crippling their system. Returning home after being fired she found her boyfriend with another woman and decided to move back to her hometown. Despite being unable to find any work besides a fry cook and cashier at Crazy Duck, Jill is currently the happiest she's been in a long time. It appears Ted is out to make her life hell and she sometimes thinks she has feelings for Mike.

Mr. Swifter

Ht: 5' 6"

Wt: 240 lbs

Favourite Musician: Dean Martin

Born: May 18, 1959

Mr. Bernie Swifter is the owner and manager of Crazy Duck, a fast food restaurant located in the small town of Spencer Falls, Indiana. It opened in the summer of 2001 and serves duck-meat flavoured burgers. Mr. Swifter is also Mike's dad, and the two have a terrible relationship that has only gotten worse as they got older. Mike tries his hardest to win his dad's affection, but for reasons unknown, Mr. Swifter chooses to treat him with only indifference and sometimes outright meanness.

Judy Magpantay

Ht: 5' 4"

Wt: 102 lbs

Favourite Musician: Red Hot Chilli Peppers

Born: January 14, 1985

Judy is half-Filipino and half-American. She mans the drive-thru window at Crazy Duck to help pay the bills as she's putting herself through college (she's switched majors three times). She is a caring and naive individual. Very few other characters interact with her on a regular basis, though her and Gunther have been known to converse occasionally. Mike and Judy were lab partners their junior year of high school and he's been infatuated with her ever since. She doesn't always dress up like bee.

Little Girl

Ht: 3' 4"

Wt: 40 lbs

Favourite Musician: Jonas Brothers

Born: February 22, 2004

Little Girl is a little girl who divides her time between playing with dolls, annoying Mike at work, watching the Disney Channel, and reading books at a third grade level.

Constant Lee

Ht: 5' 11"

Wt: 140 lbs

Favourite Musician: The Gritz

Born: July 11, 1985

One of the only African-Americans in Spencer Falls, Constant graduated high school the same year as Mike and Gunther and immediately took an internship at a local radio station across the street from Crazy Duck. Since then he's moved up to having his own radio show that profiles both popular and indie rap and hip-hop artists. It's on at two in the morning and is received rather negatively by the mostly country music loving community. Constant is more of a supporting character to Mike and the gang but his constant presence as Crazy Duck's most regular customer is always welcomed and appreciated.

Douche McKenzie

Ht: 6' 0"

Wt: 145 lbs

Favourite Musician: Hinder

Born: July 20, 1983

Brett "Douche" McKenzie is a douche bag.